Do Birds and Bees educate?

You may wonder what this septuagenarian is up to? I agree that at our age sex should be on our mind only when filling in the immigration form at the airport and our time should be spent on Vedanta contemplating more serious issues. But not so easy as it is all pervading, as news on the main sheet of a newspaper or as a brief note tucked away in the inner pages. For instance Rediff India Abroad, reminds you daily how to keep hale and hearty and also boost your brain with much researched and recommended morning activities not consisting of either yoga or art of living. In fact, these are the top emailed features since long. One need not even speak of the TV and the Bollywood and Tollywood movies.

Not to worry, I am only concerned about the controversy that is raging in India. Sex Education in schools. A little late to be getting into the fray as I see a lot has been written about it in the papers, not only in India, but in the west.

It was perplexing to see in the papers some months ago that the CM of Karnataka was opposed to SE as it was not in our culture! He did not elaborate then, but as he is now out of office, he has the time to explain now. Perhaps not, it is proven that most politicians have convenient memories and are prone to forget, statements and even promises made!

I remember asking Tara at that time whether her school, which is an international one, had this subject in the curriculum. She said yes, but was not aware of the details. My intention was to send a copy to the CM hoping that it could help him to re-evaluate his earlier decision and perhaps change his mind. Well it remained as an intention, as Tara kept forgetting to get me the details. Then, two things brought the subject back to my blogging mind.

One, was when a friend expressed shock after reading about a mother presenting a sixteen year old son with a packet of condoms on his birthday. Quite shocking and one wonders where indeed was the father. However, I cannot imagine this type of conversation with fathers as well.
This I thought was the ultimate form of SE.

Two, when the controversy shifted to Maharashtra recently. 'The Maharashtra state education minister had recently announced that sex education would be made compulsory for schoolchildren. However, this announcement is being greeted with heated opposition by other legislators in the House. There is a debate going on currently about the advisability of providing basic sex education to school children in the Indian state of Maharashtra.'

Obviously one can expect a lot of reaction. Here is one such: (It is somewhere in the web!) India has among the highest incidence of rape in the world. Moreover, not a single day goes by without newspapers reporting at least one case of sexual harassment or molestation.
I do not see a connection between this and sex education, but he does. I remember he does speak about 'taboos' and a lack of healthy interaction between boys and girls. Which I suppose is to be addressed, but his idea that this is achieved through sex education in schools is naive.

Then we see a claim that sex education brings down the incidence of HIV/AIDS. I suppose true, I recall crude ads advising safe sex on the National TV during a cricket match. One hopes all those careless truckers, their target audience, watch the five day tests. Here is also a link to a bizarre attempt at educating general public.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44IFYB1icx0

I know that it is a different world now. The years after the sixties, so called period of liberal attitudes, has changed the ways of the western world and is now moving to some portions of the east. Hence going back the memory lane may not be of much help. That was an era where it was more like 'If birds and bees with their tiny brains needed no sex education, humans with a more complex brain would definitely learn', and learn we do.

I suppose I should add this about parental concern. While no conversation ever took place, I remember discovering in my teens, two books which surfaced in my father's book shelf. One was about VD now STD, which was gruesome and another about 'Brahmacharya', it was all about self control from sinful thoughts and of course the ill effects of 'self abuse', the outcome being death by 'consumption'. Weird from today's point of view. I suppose it was my father's way of educating me with the books and knowledge available at that time.

Now for the surprise! It might appear that I am a supporter of SE in Indian schools. Actually, I am one with the netas for once. I do not think it is desirable to have SE as a part of school curriculum. I read that the text books published for the subject were very crude and were rejected. In addition, it is certain that there would not be many trained teachers available for this sensitive subject. I think we do not have the requisite culture yet, I am talking about our present culture and not of the times of Vatsayana or the erotic temple friezes.

I believe that many parents are worried and confused. They are not sure how to handle the situation in a fast changing world as their children reach adolescence. We all know that children are more aware now. There is also peer pressure on them, especially for Indian children away from home, exposed to different and in our view, permissive cultures.

Obviously, sensible books which parents can give to children when they feel the time is right would be of immense help. Very necessary especially for those parents who are shy or old fashioned to talk about it. (Definitely not the type of books my father chose.) Conversations with our children could perhaps focus on the more important aspect of values. It is also about our own lifestyle and habits.
I saw this on the Belief net:
Don't worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you. -Robert Fulghum

I am quoting in full below what I consider as sensible:

Recently, there has been a great amount of discussion on the introduction of sex education in India. Naturally, this debate has been very heated. If anyone was thinking that sex education can be introduced in India without any resistance from society, he was living in a fools paradise. Three states of India have already banned this education and CBSE had to defer its plans to introduce it from 2007-2008 session.

Now, the real question that arises is what is the real problem behind all this fuss? I think, the real problem is the word "SEX" itself. Indian society is still not prepared to discuss these topics in the open with its children.

The main problem is the manner in which this education is being tried to introduce in this country. The educational planners ( or mis-planners) are trying to implement the western system of sex education as it is. What they are not able to see (or are trying not to see) is the cultural difference between west and India.

Sex education is being introduced as a separate subject. This is causing all the problems. Indian society is not able to accept it as a subject which can be taught to their kids. Actually, some of the topics related to reproduction in human beings already exist in the science books of children. No one raises objection over that. Because children learn these topics as a scientific terminology, which does not effect the moral character of society.

Wouldn't it be more appropriate if we introduce the sex education topics in other subjects instead of introducing it as a separate subject all together? I think it will be much better to integrate sex education with other subjects instead of introducing it as a different subject. In this way, the goal of providing knowledge about sex to children can be achieved without any resistance from Indian society.

Satya http://www.vshiksha.com/user/1/

June 15, 2008
Samachar/NDTV reports about a revised module on sex education. One hopes that this will meet the needs of educating children more sensibly.

http://publication.samachar.com/pub_article.php?
id=2112259&navname=General%20&moreurl=http://
publication.samachar.com/ndtv/general/
ndtv.php&homeurl=http://www.samachar.com

Some links of interest:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6928326.stm

http://www.avert.org/aids-picture.php?photo_id=1492

http://www.shvoong.com/law-and-politics/498339-sex-education-india/

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/05/24/africa/letter.php

http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAbstracts/ma?f=102242304.html

Omnivore's mom's dilemma.

I read the book 'Omnivore's Dilemma' written by Michael Pollan, here in Vancouver. I am not writing about the book, which is eminently readable and very thought provoking. I have just borrowed the title!

What will you have for breakfast? The question confronts Leela as she gets ready to go to Montessori in the morning. Leela is going to be four soon and while she is not a complete omnivore, she being human, (as defined in Wikipedia) is primarily an omnivore and also opportunistic. An omnivore is defined as the one who eats everything, and she does like a lot of things, but she likes only those that her mother thinks is not suitable for her. Hence there is a drama enacted each day. The same drama continues for Lunch and Dinner as well.

Rohini is a modern mother, who likes to involve Leela in the process of decision making and is also a concerned one about what is right to ingest. She finds it difficult to deal with it as the problem is compounded by the fact that Leela has a brand new sister and we suspect she is being difficult due to sibling jealousy. Luckily it is not anti 'Rhea' but Leela wants to get back to being a child and get all the attention she used to get when she had no competitors.

It is not easy now for a kid to figure out what she would like to eat. There are so many things her taste buds have tried and liked. Many of them are not breakfast material and finally she makes a choice out of the two or three given to her. While it does not please her mother, she gets what she has asked for, however reluctantly. Then there is a problem when she starts nibbling, whatever she chose does not taste the way she imagined it to be! She dawdles over it and frustrates her mother with her sudden lack of interest in eating. She is not hungry any more or she does not like it! She may also regresses to being a baby and asks to be fed and it is already very late and they should be leaving for school.

In these moments of tension, as a grandfather, as profound as my experience is supposed to be, I am unable to give Rohini a 'mantra' to help. I am hoping Tara who is joining us soon will be able to do it with her grandmotherly wisdom!

However, trying to see if I can make some helpful suggestions, I tried to go back to being a kid of four myself. It was simpler those days. I do not remember being asked this question. Any way the choices were not that many.

I quote from the website of Michael Pollan: 'The omnivore’s dilemma has returned with a vengeance, as the cornucopia of the modern American supermarket and fast-food outlet confronts us with a bewildering and treacherous food landscape'. I remember walking to one of these super-mega stores and was bewildered by the choices. The way it is here, you have to take your children along and you do get persuaded to buy things with different tastes and give it a try. I cannot imagine the effect this has on the taste bud of small kids. In any case they get hooked to some taste you have absolutely no clue.

I remember as kid we had a village boy working and staying with us. Once I offered him some kind of savory which I was munching. He would have none of it, his logic was that it did not fill his stomach like the Raagi he invariably ate and he did not want to corrupt his taste buds with what we ate, as he would not be able to get it all the time. I really admired his self-control.

There are of course controls parents do try. They are denied Coke or Pepsi for instance! I remember Neil when he was five or six wishing that he could grow up fast. I was curious to know what he wanted to do once he grew up. Of course, as you can guess, he said he would do whatever he wanted. I asked him what, for instance, he would like to do? He said 'I can drink Coke'.

The argument I get is that they would get hyper with sugar in the drink. A reasonable argument as you have to deal with hyper active kids differently here than what we would be meted out those days!

We have a proverb in Kannada which says, what you eat is your choice, what is worn needs others approval! But it is clear making a choice in this country is not easy. I remember that during the festival of 'Janmashtami' it was fun time after the festival but a tough one before that. We would see a lot of savouries prepared and stored during the week prior to the festival, but we had to wait till after the puja before we were able to eat it. Supposed to help our self control, but it was hell for us children.

Imagine the torture kids here goes through, they have to wait till they have grown up to eat all those forbidden stuff they are exposed to, not just a few days of wait we had. Then again they see kids in the class drink and eat all that cool stuff which are forbidden to them.

I wonder, as they sometimes accuse us, are we being mean to them? I know it is for their good, but how does one convince a four year old! You could reason with them, may work for a while but not too long. Bribe them with other things, no idea how good it is long term. Divert them with other ideas, they are not so easily diverted, these modern day kids are smart. We can punish them, a real no-no according to me.

It seems to be a real tough dilemma to resolve. You can see why I am waiting for Tara more eagerly than normal!