The lessons I learnt.

I was at the pool yesterday for my morning swim. I have added this to my routine recently. Meghana, a national swimming champ, can be proud of her uncle! I know how to swim now!

Suddenly, I heard a splash and saw two Thai preteen girls jump into the water and were soon swimming with an abandon only kids can have. After their burst of activity they noticed me. They seemed surprised that I was at the middle level of the pool and not at the deep end like them. One of them asked me in Thai 'Pen Mai' (can you swim?) pointing to the deep end. I knew they were amused by a grown man sticking to shoulder depth water. This reaction would have been upsetting for me earlier, but not anymore.

This is my story of how I conquered, not my fear of water, but the dread of people laughing at me for being scared.

I have been looking at the swimming pool in Rishi court for the last twenty years. I think I swam only once with Rohini when she was here in Bangkok. She can swim well and I think felt silly splashing in my dog style (nayee eeju), the only style I knew, across the pool while she kept going steadily to and fro along the length of the pool.

Actually, I started swimming lessons along with my friends almost 60 years ago. I had to do it on the sly as I knew I would not be permitted if I asked my mother. On my first day the teacher tied a rope around my waist and pushed me into the water asking me to swim. I had already seen the other kids splashing about like crazy and I tried to imitate as he held me up with the rope. After a while I saw a rope floating near me and was shocked to realize the teacher had let go of my rope. I thrashed about frantically and managed to reach the sidewall of the pool. The teacher was irritated with me that I panicked. He was there watching in case I was in trouble.

Anyway that was my first and the last lesson as my mother found out and I did not go again. I suppose I was too scared to face her as a dead body. There was also the memory of my tumbling into water when I was about six while bending over a creek and was pulled up by my father. He used to refer to the jacket I had worn as my lifesaver. He might have been just joking but I still remember the incidence.

I tried again when I was around seventeen and stopped due to a bad cold. Started and stopped again in Roorkee when I was twenty. My palm was swollen for a week due to an insect bite as I tried to clear the water of fallen leaves and did not notice the insect. I suppose I also missed a few lessons in courtship as I was also witness to the ways a guy would teach, his very scared girl friend, how to swim. Anyway, as I was the only other person there at that time, my absence surely would have helped them to concentrate better.

I have sad memories of trying to swim in Pune as one of our friends drowned and that too on the day I was not with them. The cause was not the water; it was his heart that gave up while he was swimming. I did try again much later and having caught a cold again, decided finally that swimming was not for me.

It changed for me last October as I started to learn swimming in a proper manner thanks to Seema. She already knew how to swim but was getting lessons from a teacher to improve her style. At my request she arranged with the teacher for my lessons.

I know I took a much longer time to learn, but I am now able to swim the breast stroke. I still have some funny problems as I beach like a whale as soon as I reach knee deep water. This means I have yet to swim the full length of the pool. Even my teacher is mystified about my mental blocks.

The Thai teacher realizing that I was scared of water, taught me some routines to do before I started my swim. Then he asked me if I knew how to do like a donkey! He meant swimming like one; we do have small Thai-English communication challenges here. When I said I did not know, he showed me how. It is easy, I just have to float and move my legs and hands like the donkeys do while they swim.

Earlier when I spoke to Nandini about my swimming lessons, she suggested I practice, when alone, at a depth I felt comfortable and enjoy myself. This made sense and I still continue to do so. I know I am able to swim in the deep but I am not in a hurry to get to deep waters yet. I am not sure when the panic button will get pressed and I find it makes no sense to brave it alone, even if the ‘donkey’ is there to rescue me.

I have now realized my reluctance to fully learn swimming was a way of keeping me from going to the deeper side of the pool. I know now it was not my technique but my phobia which kept me from being confident about my abilities to swim. I have finally realized that I can enjoy my swim only when I accept my phobia and my limitations due to this. I am also able to sympathise with the phobias people have and their inability to overcome it. For instance, the fear of lizards Tara has, would not irritate me now as it did earlier.

It has been a very long journey but the lesson I learnt is that it is not always possible or necessary to meet your phobias head on and be cured of it. It is also ok to work around it and make the best out of the situation.

(A few commented in the blog that they are now motivated to learn swimming. A few weblinks may be useful for them.)
http://www.essortment.com/all/fearofwater_rceg.htm
http://swimming.about.com/od/helpfornoviceswimmers/qt/fear_why_swim.htm