Our 'young' Gurus speak on Shastras

I did not anticipate that I would be listening to Neema speak on our scriptures, 'shastras' as she terms them, just a month after writing my blog 'pilgrimage thoughts'. Neema and Surya are both 'young' scholars who took a break from their working lives to learn 'Vedanta' and Sanskrit in India.

Neema has a Master's degree in Economics from Columbia University and Surya has a Ph.D in Pharma from Paris. Neema Majmudar & Surya Tahora have studied with Swami Dayananda Saraswati, renowned scholar of Vedanta. Both have gone through intensive course of Vedanta studying texts such as Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, etc with the commentaries of Sankara, and the Panini system of Sanskrit grammar. They have been teaching Vedanta in India and abroad for several years.

It is fortunate for us that Neema and Surya have returned to Bangkok. She is working as a Social Affairs Officer, Gender and Development Section at the UNESCAP in Bangkok and Surya continues to devote his time to the study of Vedanta.

When they dropped in at our place one day, we spoke about their quest and about the retreat on vedanta they had arranged in India. They said that the retreat went very well. Tara asked them if they would speak to a group of friends on Vedanta at our place. They agreed and Tara wasted no time in collecting a group friends who were keen to listen and learn.

We inquired about the arrangements that were to be made. They said there were none! There was no need for a picture of a deity or a guru, no lamp to be lit and no flowers. No 'Preeti Bhojan' and not even a cup of tea! The discourse would be for an hour, thrice a week and Neema would speak on 'Shastras' for a total of about ten hours. There was no need for any specially decorated seats for them and that they would sit with us on the floor.

In just three days, we started with the series of lectures. As I listened to Neema, I realized that it was a very 'personal' experience for me. I was taken back to my childhood as 'what I am now' depended a lot on what I experienced and learnt then.

I think I need to ‘ramble’ a little and talk about my 'pilgrimage' blog. It was my intention to include in my blog, but missed, the 'simpler' pilgrimages we made as kids to our family deity. Normally it would be a day or a overnight trip to a village or a town nearby. Often we were the only ones visiting from out of town. The priests at the temple knew our family well and there was no queue, no security and no tickets to enter the temple.

The pooja would be a long drawn affair, at least for a couple of hours (felt longer for us kids). Some of us, the restless ones would manage to sneak out and play in the village pond, skipping thin stones on the surface of the water. We would however slink back just in time, avoiding the glares of elders, who were not too pleased, for the aarthi and the substantial prasad .

My mother would go ecstatic about the grand 'aarthi'. How beautiful was the 'alankara' of the Idol and so on. But she would also find time to lecture me for not being like some of my better behaved cousins who stayed put for the whole length of the pooja. In fact she was worried, more than angry, that god would not be too pleased with me.

I would go round the garbha gudi three times to please her and appease the Lord, who according to her would be very upset with me. I would also fall at the feet of the priest and be blessed by him. Some of the priests were quite theatrical and to be honest, we kids used to find them funny and would laugh at them behind their back. We did not mean any disrespect , but we were just kids anyway.

Sriram while commenting on the pilgrimage blog, reminded me about the temples we would frequent in our own area. I remember our daily visit to the Rama temple. We as kids had more allegiance to Hanuman. We believed that we would become strong like him and that he would help us in our cricket. But I think we also went because the water coming out of the temple tap was the coolest, very welcome after our hectic activities while playing.

Very young, we were taught to bow before our own deity at home, morning and evening. God was very much a part of our life. He was a not such a big deal normally, but it was different on festival days. We were told that he was there for us, as long as we followed the rituals that were taught to us by our elders. We also felt that he would be sympathetic if we missed going to the temple once in a while, because of the circus that came to town or the cricket match that we could not afford to miss.

We learnt very early in our life that it was God who created everything. We also knew that every action of ours was recorded for him by his scribe Chitragupta, even our thoughts. Our rewards in this life and in our after life entirely depended on this record. We were very careful about what we said as god had empowered lizards in our homes. If the lizards went 'click-click', the moment we said or thought a bad thing it would become a reality. Of course, grandmothers could ward it off if they uttered 'krishna-krishna' immediately after the clicking of the lizards. I remember my grand mother would invariably do this every time the lizard went vocal, just in case! Obviously she knew human nature well enough to be careful!

There were also stories as to why we had to wash our feet, as soon as we entered home. We had no problem accepting this and many more beliefs that prevailed. We also had no problem with multiple gods, as well as different deities for other families. We ignored those irritating kids who claimed superiority for their own diety. Again, as Sriram had pointed out, our elders also had different approaches to deal with religion and beliefs. Some went more into rituals as they grew older, while others seemed to get less and less involved. None of them were real issues while we were young.

With all this variety, it was not such a problem, as our horizons widened, to accept the Christian and Muslim boys into our play groups. Often it was the food they ate that kept us apart rather than the difference in their ways and the very different churches and mosques.

It did get complicated as we got older. There were discoveries by scientists, doctors which would make us wonder about our notions about the universe and our beliefs. But, we could still get back to our 'comfort zones', with our rituals. We had our routines of daily pooja, weekly visits to the temples nearby and occasional pilgrimage to far off locations. Places, which had a reputation of being a powerful 'khestras' where our desires were fulfilled, only if we had faith in the residing diety and were devout. Anyway, the equations were rather simple and direct.

Well, listening to Neema meant, as she put it, a paradigm shift. While it was very refreshing for us to learn the logical approach of shastras, it was not easy for us to assimilate it as we tended to get back to our old opinions.

Applying logic to understand the meaning of 'I' and the nature of 'God' would obviously take a lot more effort on our part if any realisation is to come to us. Obviously, we need to make a choice between continuing in our old ways or try to grasp and navigate our lives through the new thoughts and ideas that have occured after listening to Neema.

She also reassured us by saying that there was a logic in believing in different gods and there was a place for prayer in the shastras. While I try to dwell on how this discourse has affected me, I hope others who were present will tell us about their comprehension and their perception after these ten hours of discourse and dialogue.

I appreciated Neema's approach, which was more of sharing than laying down precepts. It was very refreshing to see this attitude from a person who had studied the shastras and had learnt sanskrit. There was humility and joy as she spoke to us of the very exciting discoveries she made for herself as she studied the shastras.

You learn more about them and their thoughts from their web site .
http://www.discovervedanta.com/difference-bw-religion-spirituality.htm

I am very happy to include Marisa's comments here in the Main Blog:

"Dear Nidhi, How true your blog is.......If you can add mine on I would appreciate it as I do not know how to do it. Spending a few sessions with Neema only confirmed what I have been feeling as a child - that "goodness" exists within us and we do not have to look at the external for answers. Our answers are all within us.

I grew up as a child who rebelled against all the traditions that were taught to me. I always asked "Why, Why, Why" and it tired my mother a great deal because the answers she gave were not satisfactory to me. I believed that a lot of it were superstitions, but when I got married, I became "part" of all that I did not believe in - just to fit in with society, and my my in-laws.

This made me an unhappy person within as it was in conflict with my values. I set out searching and sometimes found answers but not as clearly as Neema explained it. Her teachings have only confirmed to me that life is indeed simple - if we so choose it to be; that we design our own karma; that we are responsible for all that happens in life (whether we like it or not) and that we cannot blame others or circumstances in our life. We must be responsible for our paths and our choices create the direction we head. Life is indeed simple, but as human beings we do tend to make it complex.

Thank you Neema and Surya for these very enlightening sessions and for making me realize that all I required in life was one simple prayer "Give me clarity of thought".....how true - as this short and simple prayer applies to every aspect of our life. Thank you for touching all of us so deeply. Marisa"

Here are a few earlier blogs I wrote as I pondered on our 'human' condition! You don't have to, but I have included them in case you feel like reading them. You will at least learn how confused a mind can get!
http://nidhiramblers.blogspot.com/2008/02/pilgrimage-thoughts.html
http://nidhiramblers.blogspot.com/2007/03/alpha-males.html
http://nidhiramblers.blogspot.com/2006/09/should-god-apologise.html
http://nidhiramblers.blogspot.com/2006/08/we-could-have-vaulted-to-israel-acorss.html

Sashank's Story

We can never anticipate the cards that are dealt to us in life. This came to my mind when I saw Viji walking past Soi 15 Sukumvit and thought I should talk to her about the 'Challenge' life had presented to them.

On my return from India, I met Murthy at a function and spoke to him about my idea to write a blog about their different experience in bringing up Sashank. Murthy said he would be happy to share their experiences and would also talk to Viji about it. He added that Viji has worked with Sashank for the last fifteen years. Murthy suggested that we see the movie Taare Zameen Par, as this movie is also on the same lines and might interest us. I told him we had seen the movie and it was very good.

We have known Murthy and Viji from almost since we came to Bangkok. We were always happy to meet them. Murthy has a good mannered and pleasant disposition. Viji is equally friendly and is a person who exudes energy and enthusiasm.

Finally we met them a fortnight back to set a date to meet. Viji came home and as we got talking, she began recalling her life the last 15 years. How she had just delivered Sashank and Murthy had just left for work after the delivery.

In her words “I was just beginning to feel relieved of the nine months wait (weight), when the pediatrician walked in to my room and announced ‘your baby is abnormal’, but you can train him to do everything. My sister and a dear friend were with me and we were all shocked and could not comprehend what the doctor was telling me. I immediately pulled myself up and asked the doctor if anything could be done like a blood transfusion or something to make him normal. She said that nothing was possible."

"Murthy rushed back to talk to the doctor about the child’s condition. He first went to see the child. Then he came to the room and told us that everything seems to be fine as he had seen the child. He said that 'I have confirmed that the child had two eyes, ears, ten toes and fingers and looked really cute'."

" The doctor had told us a blood test would confirm their diagnosis in two weeks time. The next two weeks went in hope and prayer. Two weeks later it was confirmed that Sashank had Down syndrome. Murthy advised me 'Don’t discuss Sashank’s condition with anybody, for the simple reason people’s sympathy would lead to apathy and instead of moving ahead we might be forced to move back in life'. He also told me that I have to remain my old lively self and treat life and Sashank very normal. I also had to put up a brave front with my mother who was 73 years old (she also had come with my sister to Bangkok) and my older son Vaibhav.”

As we started talking I realised that all I could do was to put her 'the very normal' questions, which come to our minds about the events that has shaped their lives the last fifteen years and request her to answer them in her and Murthy's words .

I asked her how she had coped with the first few days:

She said "The first few days went in denial. My feelings were really mixed. One part of me said the baby is cute and other part of me was worried about how he will grow up to be. Murthy was and is my pillar of support. Vaibhav my older son was 5 years old then and he was a 'wonder baby' and always assured me that life was worth living. Then my sisters' army decided to take turns coming over to Bangkok and spend time with me. They were very encouraging and taught me how to compartmentalize my life in chunks. As Murthy’s family were in midst of their own problems Murthy decided to keep the news from them for a while. He was also worried and concerned and didn’t want to break the news from Bangkok as it would be hard for them to comprehend. He felt that at that point of time they could not have contributed or improved the situation. I still remember the term Down syndrome and how I associated it with the T.V. serial Life Goes On. Those days this serial was very popular on Television and the hero Chris Burke was a Down syndrome boy. I told my mother maybe Sashank will be like him to look at."

"The pediatrician had suggested that we meet the genetic doctor when Sashank was two months old in 'Theptarin Hospital' on Rama 4 road. I had not heard of any other hospitals but for Bumrungrad, Samitivej, Bangkok Nursing Home and Bangkok General Hospital. So before I took Sashank to Theptarin Hospital I wanted to make sure I was not going to an asylum or a sanatorium to meet this doctor."

" The doctor was a very matter of fact lady and stern. She drew a big circle and prescribed for all the major tests to be done and every single body part had to be tested, to rule out any further hidden complications. She also suggested that we go to the 6th floor for Stimulation for the baby to tone up his muscles. We had to take Sashank every Saturday for the stimulation and later speech therapy classes and follow this routine everyday at home and then go back the following week. We did see a lot of improvement in Sashank and this made us want to continue with the programme till Sashank was 6 years old. I used to look forward to meet parents in similar situation and their word of advice and encouragement meant a lot to me."

" I would like to mention here about two ladies that have contributed to what I could achieve with Sashank till today. Both had Down syndrome sons two years older than Sashank. Initially when I went to the hospital I was very dejected and low and it was this Thai lady who came up to me one day and said 'Metong Kangwan' ( don’t worry) these children are going to be with us for our life time. You must learn to enjoy life, do your best and treat them normal. It was these words of wisdom that has kept me going till date. The smart disposition and the smiling faces of Thais will always be remembered. I also took him to the Siriraj Hospital every Tuesday at 12oclock for group activity. They organized a show once year and gave the children platform to exhibit their talents."

"We also owe so much to the Australian lady and her family who got me all the resources of Australia in Bangkok. I really mean it. She shared every little detail with me. The way she showered the best and treated her son was seen to be believed. She taught me to be assertive, organized and plan life in the Down syndrome context.”

She anticipated my question about whether she could have been tested during pregnancy for any complication:

“I had a happy and an uncomplicated pregnancy. There was no call for any tests. Although I have met a couple from Australia who decided to continue the pregnancy even after it was confirmed that their unborn child had Down syndrome. I feel that the amniocentesis test must be a part of the routine tests. ”

I asked her about her thoughts as she faced her situation:

“All this effort took a big portion of my life and time. I had to read a lot for Sashank. I had to weave my life intricately without disturbing the normalcy of life with an abnormal situation. I had decided not to let home crises reach Murthy’s workplace. I had to be frank with both Murthy and Vaibhav about exposing Sashank to their colleagues and friends. I still remember their faces when they said yes with a smile. I had to balance our lives in the real sense. Sashank’s birth has given us a different perspective in life. We have made conscious effort to be good role models as parents. Our weekend was and has always been very special and full of fun. We have learnt to live life king-size. Murthy told me never to compare Sashank with his age group.”

"The journey with Sashank has made me a very strong person. It was a new learning process and I feel it has transformed us totally."

What was brother Vaibhav's reaction, I asked:

“Vaibhav has always been a very mature boy, able to deal with any situation very calmly, even before Sashank was born. We have always included Vaibhav in Sashank’s upbringing. Even the most difficult situation was projected positively at home. For e.g. when Sashank had to wear hearing aid we were worried about Vaibhavs reaction. We explained to him that just as you wear glasses to see better, Sashank had to wear hearing aid to listen and talk better. Both Murthy and I decided to give just enough information about Sashank to Vaibhav for him to deal at that point of time. So Vaibhav grew up learning about Sashank gradually and adjusted to the situation very well. Vaibhav knows each and every move of Sashank, his likes and dislikes, the way to tackle him and also understands and analyses Sashank’s behavior. Vaibhav has never been embarrassed of Sashank with his friend in all stages of his life. He brings gifts for his brother, especially things which his brother loves and is hard to find in Bangkok. I can only say that Sashank is very lucky to have a wonderful brother like him."

I asked her about the support she got from others:

“ People are very unassuming and welcoming. Our immediate family, friends and community around us are very supportive. We took Sashank to wherever we went. We decided to enroll Sashank into a preschool at 2 yrs and 9 months (the same age Vaibhav started school). Murthy’s only concern was the vicinity of the school with home and hospital. Luckily the first school we went to was so informed about his condition and they accepted him immediately. Little did we realize that Sashank got into the best pre-school. The school just about gave Sashank the best in life from environment, teachers and friends to a great family. It was truly an international school. I owe a lot to the support I have got so far from all of them. We have a support group here and try to meet once in two months. We take two priority questions from the list that need immediate attention and try to come to a solution from other parent’s experiences. I moved to India for two years in 2004 and Sashank was in an integrated school. We had a support group of parents from the same socio economic background.”

How is it to deal with it day after day:

“Sashank is extremely sweet and affectionate and Murthy is always telling that we will end up having diabetes with him. In fact we always wonder the number of kisses he must have got from us in the last 10 years. His upbringing was neither very easy nor very hard, but we had to work towards it. There has been a constant battle and negotiation to achieve something. He has to be reminded on what to do next? This way he has to think and move on. There is focus on his independent skills. There is also a need for a lot of rewards as in stickers, food treats, going out etc. to get him to do things. We have to work towards a written goal. The school and home have to work closely together. If we go on a holiday we have to educate the family we visit and their helpers to some extent. We have never blamed him for not being able to do something. I have always told Shashank where I went.”

When I asked Viji if she knew anybody who was struggling to deal with this problem:

“It is sad to see some families who decided to keep their children indoors due to embarrassment and the face of these unfortunate children said it all. I also noticed that many were not as strong as Sashank because of lack of stimulation exercises. Most of them were not aware of this at all. These children were very wobbly due to poor muscle tone.”

I wondered about the future challenges:

“We have tried out to see if Sashank had any special qualities or talent. We had put him in basketball and football. Then we tried swimming, Taekwondo, swimming and music classes. He still continues to swim. Play Taekwondo and learn Indian dancing. He loves to listen to music and watch T.V. in his leisure time. Sashank has a great sense of direction and remembers names very well. He is very efficient in routines and handling things. He is also good at following instructions. We have to see how we can use his strength. He is a very pushy child by nature and does not take things lying down and is quite demanding till his work is accomplished. So we don’t have to worry about Sashank as he has a survival instinct in him."

"We are trying to get him to take decisions and handle situations. We are also planning to start a trust in India for our children whereby the younger down syndrome children’s parent will take charge. This is still under consideration and we are working towards shaping it. Our future plan is to get him into some small business with the family and to involve him in a routine.”

“We have achieved many milestones with Sashank and there are and will be further milestones to achieve. We feel we have achieved all this but it is 'the super being' who gives us strength and good health.”

“My message to every family with their special child would be to take the decision to break the ice and bring out your special child into the world and then there will be no turning back. This kind of acceptance and exposure help these children to develop into capable individuals and we parents can work towards all the behaviour expectations to survive in the society. We must never under estimate these children and always keep them informed and make them a part of whatever we are doing."

"They pretend not to understand but they need respect and are very sensitive. Chinese families believe that having a special child in the family is a symbol of luck, wealth and prosperity and having Sashank has proved it. He has never had any hurdles in life so far and hope has none in the future."

"I once happened to meet a Guru and asked him about Sashank. He explained that Saints are so tired of doing things for everyone all their life that they ask god to give them one last birth as a human being where they have to be taken care of by others and this last birth they get in the form of a special child. We take this challenge as a blessed challenge.”

I was very moved when I saw their very sincere and heart felt replies to my questions, which were rather easy to frame. Their answers gives us an understanding about dealing with special children and we derive many valuable lessons that we can apply in our lives.

Their story is truly inspiring. It is not only for those who may have children who are special and challenged. It is even for those who have 'not so challenged' children. It may sound like a cliche' but it is very certain that every child is a challenge to their parents. Especially in these times when the amount of information that is available on the internet and in the media can misguide and confuse children and even adults.

I also speak with experience when I say that parents too can become a challenge to their children!

(When I spoke to Murthy to clarify a few points, he said there is a lot of information avaialble on the down syndrome on the web and there a number of doctors who are really capable in dealing with such issues. They are also too happy to talk to anyone who is desirous of speaking to them directly.)

The lessons I learnt.

I was at the pool yesterday for my morning swim. I have added this to my routine recently. Meghana, a national swimming champ, can be proud of her uncle! I know how to swim now!

Suddenly, I heard a splash and saw two Thai preteen girls jump into the water and were soon swimming with an abandon only kids can have. After their burst of activity they noticed me. They seemed surprised that I was at the middle level of the pool and not at the deep end like them. One of them asked me in Thai 'Pen Mai' (can you swim?) pointing to the deep end. I knew they were amused by a grown man sticking to shoulder depth water. This reaction would have been upsetting for me earlier, but not anymore.

This is my story of how I conquered, not my fear of water, but the dread of people laughing at me for being scared.

I have been looking at the swimming pool in Rishi court for the last twenty years. I think I swam only once with Rohini when she was here in Bangkok. She can swim well and I think felt silly splashing in my dog style (nayee eeju), the only style I knew, across the pool while she kept going steadily to and fro along the length of the pool.

Actually, I started swimming lessons along with my friends almost 60 years ago. I had to do it on the sly as I knew I would not be permitted if I asked my mother. On my first day the teacher tied a rope around my waist and pushed me into the water asking me to swim. I had already seen the other kids splashing about like crazy and I tried to imitate as he held me up with the rope. After a while I saw a rope floating near me and was shocked to realize the teacher had let go of my rope. I thrashed about frantically and managed to reach the sidewall of the pool. The teacher was irritated with me that I panicked. He was there watching in case I was in trouble.

Anyway that was my first and the last lesson as my mother found out and I did not go again. I suppose I was too scared to face her as a dead body. There was also the memory of my tumbling into water when I was about six while bending over a creek and was pulled up by my father. He used to refer to the jacket I had worn as my lifesaver. He might have been just joking but I still remember the incidence.

I tried again when I was around seventeen and stopped due to a bad cold. Started and stopped again in Roorkee when I was twenty. My palm was swollen for a week due to an insect bite as I tried to clear the water of fallen leaves and did not notice the insect. I suppose I also missed a few lessons in courtship as I was also witness to the ways a guy would teach, his very scared girl friend, how to swim. Anyway, as I was the only other person there at that time, my absence surely would have helped them to concentrate better.

I have sad memories of trying to swim in Pune as one of our friends drowned and that too on the day I was not with them. The cause was not the water; it was his heart that gave up while he was swimming. I did try again much later and having caught a cold again, decided finally that swimming was not for me.

It changed for me last October as I started to learn swimming in a proper manner thanks to Seema. She already knew how to swim but was getting lessons from a teacher to improve her style. At my request she arranged with the teacher for my lessons.

I know I took a much longer time to learn, but I am now able to swim the breast stroke. I still have some funny problems as I beach like a whale as soon as I reach knee deep water. This means I have yet to swim the full length of the pool. Even my teacher is mystified about my mental blocks.

The Thai teacher realizing that I was scared of water, taught me some routines to do before I started my swim. Then he asked me if I knew how to do like a donkey! He meant swimming like one; we do have small Thai-English communication challenges here. When I said I did not know, he showed me how. It is easy, I just have to float and move my legs and hands like the donkeys do while they swim.

Earlier when I spoke to Nandini about my swimming lessons, she suggested I practice, when alone, at a depth I felt comfortable and enjoy myself. This made sense and I still continue to do so. I know I am able to swim in the deep but I am not in a hurry to get to deep waters yet. I am not sure when the panic button will get pressed and I find it makes no sense to brave it alone, even if the ‘donkey’ is there to rescue me.

I have now realized my reluctance to fully learn swimming was a way of keeping me from going to the deeper side of the pool. I know now it was not my technique but my phobia which kept me from being confident about my abilities to swim. I have finally realized that I can enjoy my swim only when I accept my phobia and my limitations due to this. I am also able to sympathise with the phobias people have and their inability to overcome it. For instance, the fear of lizards Tara has, would not irritate me now as it did earlier.

It has been a very long journey but the lesson I learnt is that it is not always possible or necessary to meet your phobias head on and be cured of it. It is also ok to work around it and make the best out of the situation.

(A few commented in the blog that they are now motivated to learn swimming. A few weblinks may be useful for them.)
http://www.essortment.com/all/fearofwater_rceg.htm
http://swimming.about.com/od/helpfornoviceswimmers/qt/fear_why_swim.htm